I think I just saw someone hide a body.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
