at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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