I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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