someone get that fucking seahorse.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
