Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
