4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
