Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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