i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
