What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
