Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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