I hate all girls vehemently.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
