I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
