At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
