remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
