Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
