u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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