He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
