I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
