I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
