Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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