My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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