all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
