No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
