Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
