If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
