it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
