I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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