it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
