He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
pop tarts are not kleenex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
