does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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