Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
