Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
