so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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