Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
