I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
