I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We need to rekindle our bromance
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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