sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
