He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
