And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
