Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
