I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am available for nakedness
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
