Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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