I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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