I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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