Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just invented taco cereal.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
