Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
