So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
