After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
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Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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