remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
