You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
