Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
