I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
As shirtless as possible
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
