apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
