I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
