god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
