Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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