Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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