i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
