never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
