Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
