turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
