Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
