420 ftw
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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