she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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