i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
