super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
